Funny Jokes about Life
Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down.
One of my friends, a musician, is always upbeat. Nothing gets her down. But when she developed ringing in one ear, I was concerned it might overwhelm even her. When I asked if her condition was especially annoying to a musician, she shook her head. “Not really,” she said cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello a half-tone lower.”
Just remember: You gotta break some eggs to make a real mess on the neighbor’s car!
When you find yourself getting irritated with someone, try to remember that all men are brothers and just give them a noogie.
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Funny School Quotes – Funny Quotes about School
Put a phone in your locker, pretend it works.
Fake a coughing fit in the school library.
Wear your pajamas to class, saying that your alarm broke, and you didn’t have time to dress.
“But there are advantages to being elected President. The day after I was elected, I had my high school grades classified Top Secret.”
“Remember in elementary school you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file from smallest to tallest? What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?”
“I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.”
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Marriage Toasts – Funny Wedding Toasts And Speeches
My greatest wish for the two of you is that through the years your love for each other will so deepen and grow, that years from now you will look back on this day, your wedding day, as the day you loved each other the least.
It don’t matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home!
May the best day of your past be the worst day of your future.
Easy on the throttle, steady on the gears, roll her over gently and she’ll last for many years.
To our wives and lovers – may they never meet!
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Funny Halloween Joke
What do zombies like to eat at a cook out?
What is a vampire’s favorite sport?
What is a vampire’s favorite holiday?
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend
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Good Money jokes – Funny jokes
A woman was cleaning her husbands dresser drawers when she found 3 golf balls and a box with $2000 in it. She waited for him to come home from the golf course to ask him why these things were hidden in his dresser drawer.
The husband said I’m sorry I hid this from you but the truth is every time I cheated on you over the last 30 years I put a golf ball in the drawer.
The wife was very upset at first but after thinking about it said “I guess 3 times in 30 years is really not that bad! Oh by the way what is the $2000 in the drawer.
The husband replied” Well every time I got to a dozen balls I sold them.
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