LeeX

10 Best Jokes in the World – Funny Jokes

1. This is a guy whose wife’s mother has just died. It is with the undertakers in discussion. The undertaker asked him:

- The deceased had she made a choice on what to happen to her body?

- Uh … Not …

- In this case, it is your responsibility to choose. Should we incinerate, embalm, or just bury it?

The guy replies:

- Three! Let him no luck …

2. Tom is on the side of the road when he sees the most amazing passing funeral procession approached the cemetery next door. A long hearse was followed by another hearse along 50 meters away. Behind the second hearse, there is one man, walking with a pit bull at the end of the leash. Behind, has 200 men walking single file …

Tom can not resist his curiosity: he respectfully approached the man walking with the dog and asks:

- Sir, this may not be a good time to bother you, but I’ve never seen a funeral like this! It is the funeral of that? ”

The man replies

- Well … the first hearse is for my wife ”

- What happened?

- My dog ​​was bitten and died.

- Et .. Which is in the second hearse?

- My mother. She was trying to help my wife when the dog was back, bit him, and she died.

An intense moment of thought and heavy runs, and Tom asks:

- Sir, can I borrow your dog?

- Make the tail.

3. This is a guy who goes into a bar, it is scratched in the face, arms, legs, short pretty messed up.

So his friends ask him what happened to him.

The guy replies:

- I just buried my mother in law!

Others to answer:

- What is the relationship with your scratches?

The guy replies:

- But she did not!

4. A woman comes home and sees her husband holding the telephone receiver. She asked her young son:

- Do you know with whom he is in conversation?

- With grandmother.

- His mother or mine?

- Yours.

- And what makes you think that?

- This is half an hour it lasts and, apart from “hello” at the very beginning, it has not had the opportunity to get a word.

5. What is the difference between a lizard, a lettuce and a stepmother?

ANSWER:

The lizard is “spotted” on the back!

Lettuce is’ T ‘bought’ in the store!

The beautiful mother … it is “throwing” out the window!

6. Toto goes to the doctor and see a girl crying.
He asks:
- Why you crying?
She replied:
- Because I just do a blood test.
Toto said:
- That’s you crying?
She replied:
- Yes, because my brother told me he had cut the finger to analyze!
Toto and begins to cry.
- The girl asks:
Why are you crying now?
He replies:
- Because I just do a urine test.

7. Dad is angry. Toto was a scratch in its drafting.
- How is it? Usually, you have very good grades in writing …
- Ben … meets Toto
- Let me see your text!
And Dad begins to read:
- While walking in the forest, to turn a corner, I saw a green poop all: it was the poop of Albert. A little further, I saw an all black poop: poop was the Island. At the foot of a tree, I saw a poop all gray: it was the poo Denis …
- But what’s that, Toto?
- Ben … What was the subject!
And Dad reads the topic: Subject: “It’s in need that we recognize his friends!

8. Toto was sitting just behind the bus driver. He began to recite:
- If my father was a rooster, a hen my mother, I’d be a chick
- If my father was a bull, my mom a cow I’d be a calf,
The driver very angry intima toto the order to shut up. But it continued, laughing:
- If my father was a ram, a sheep my mother, I’d be a lamb.
The driver very angry he said:
- If your father was a bastard, and that your mother was a whore, what would you be?
Toto said:
- I’d be a bus driver.

9. It’s the Little Red Riding Hood that will bring a cake to his grandmother.
Suddenly, he met the wolf behind a tree and said:
- What big eyes you have!?
And then the wolf gets scared and runs away. Le petit chaperon a little surprised continues on. A little further, he sees the wolf behind a rock and said:
- What big ears you have!?
Here, like the wolf runs away. Le petit chaperon then goes his way, confident and sees the wolf behind a bush. He said:
- What big teeth you have!? And the wolf angry replies:
- Good shit you gonna let me alone now?

10. These three people sitting on a bench. a man of 20 years, another 45, and the last 120 years
The younger one said to the other
- Me, I tape when I want!
while that of 45 years replied:
- I tape it when it wants
While the old answers:
- LUCKY BAND